Monday, 12 May 2014

Only the good die young

Today has been a horrible day.

Horrible in so many ways, yet also a day of great soul searching trying to understand why it is that so many truly wonderful individuals are snatched from our lives way too soon.

Today is the third anniversary of my wonderful, vibrant, eclectic & gorgeous cousins death. 
Rebecca was absolutely adored by everyone who knew her. With only nine days seperating us she was my closest cousin in age and we shared so many secrets & confidences of which not even death has seperated.
I'd thought it would get easier each year but it doesn't and I can only imagine how much it hurts for her parents & siblings. 
Today I cried, in secret of course, but nonetheless the tears fell. The tears weren't for me but for Bec. For the years she didn't get to live, for the family that was left behind and for all those whose lives were changed forever (for the better of course) just for having known her.
The above two photos are evident in their significance but the next one us more symbolic of something my gorgeous cousin managed to leave me with.
GRATITUDE

Bec, this pic is for you! This is me with my gratitude glasses! They help me focus on all I have to be grateful for!
I'm grateful for the memories I have;
singing "we are Siamese if you please" at the top of our lungs up Nanna & Pa's driveway complete with our plastic clip on earrings,
Being growled at by Nanna for not opening our Christmas presents in front of everyone that year,
For the time we got rope burn flying our kites,
For wearing out the Grease video from watching it tooany times,
For the first time we both got drunk together at Jens hens night (with our Nanna)
For the support you gave me in Ballarat,
For being not only my cousin, but also my friend!!

I know you are watching over us all still and for that I love you dearly!!

I so wish you were still here.




Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Let's talk about reality

Is it just me or do some people seriously live in alternate universe? 
When I was growing up, work (more specifically HARDWORK) always came before success in the dictionary.
Work hard, study hard, do the right thing, help those less fortunate and you will be successful! Sound familiar? If so, chances are that you are either from the same era as me or had a similar upbringing to me.
By the time I was 21, I had a tertiary education, owned my own property, worked for a multinational company and was grateful to have a job that provided opportunities for growth and a secure income. Of been working for over 5 years, was fiercely Independant and I was proud!

I didn't expect a promotion, I didn't expect to be offered a leadership role or assume that just cos I'd been there a while that I had he right to order others around. I was learning new and interesting things and knew that I'm all reality that I simply wasn't ready to manage others. I didn't have the years behind me; don't get me wrong, I was good at what I did and my colleagues and clients respected my skills but my ego wasn't over inflated and I knew my limits, despite having a degree in management.

A very rare few people have a natural affinity to be leaders but most don't. Many go us can be good; in fact VERY good at what they do but this doesn't mean they automatically have leadership skills. In my opinion these usually come about as a result of years of experience.

This being said, unless you own your own business, you need to learn how to play the game! This doesn't mean being evil or caniving, it simply means learning how to behave in a corporate environment and how to respect the fact that someone else has gone before you and had the balls to start their own business in which they have graciously offered you a position. Are you doing them a favour being there or are they doing you a favour by offering you a regular income, the opportunity to develop a career and learn a multitude of skills?

As usual, these are merely my own thoughts & feelings but they are countered by my knowledge & experience; take them as you wish - businesses exist to make money for their owners not to provide an income for the staff. I operate on an 80/20 rule. If  I enjoy 80% of the role I have, that's probably as good as it gets.

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Unbullyable

I'm so excited!!  This week I received my very own SIGNED copy of the book UNBULLYABLE!!!

I'm excited for a number of reasons:

1. I know the author and think she is fantastic
2. I wish this book AND the author had been around when I was 12
3. I can't wait to see how many people benefit from the insight this book provides.

On R U OK day September 12th, I posted a post on Facebook, which it would appear surprised a number of people.  I've included it below:

In honour of R U Ok day I thought I'd share a little and hopefully on doing so provide others with the confidence to seek out some help of they need it. This is a pretty big post for me and if it surprises some well good; it proves I've been successful in winning the battle.

If I were asked today R U Ok, my answer would be yes. If I was asked yesterday yes again, but 16 years ago it was a very different story.
I was diagnosed 16 years ago with chronic depression and have been battling this since that time. Sure I have bad days, bad weeks even some bad months but I can promise anyone who is experiencing this themselves that it doesn't last. Own it! Take responsibility for it and get the help you not only need but deserve!!!
Depression is no different to diabetes. A person who has depression is usually battling a chemical imbalance, just like a person with type 1 diabetes. When a person is depressed their brain is either unable to produce enough serotonin or absorb the serotonin that is produced. A type 1 diabetic cant make any insulin so they need to take injections.
I'm certainly no medico but this is how my GP described depression to me when I was first diagnosed. Yep sure, 4 years later he was also the same doctor diagnosed me as a type 1 diabetic (ironic hey) and mark my words this was pretty crushing to, but neither the depression or the diabetes has won. I have!
So you see, I don't see myself as a victim of depression, I see myself as a survivor! There are many many wonderful people to whom I owe my life to but most of all it was my dear friend Vicky Muises-Khoury and later my husband Anthony Stephens who have made sure that this black dog has not beaten me!
To my family & friends thank you and I love you all!
Make sure you ask at least one person today R U OK? You may just be asking them the question they desperately need help in solving.


I'm still a little amazed at the number of people who have spoken to me about this post.....

Yep, I have depression AND I am a type 1 Diabetic.... pretty shit combination hey?? BUT, I also have a fantastic husband, two beautiful kids, awesome friends AND a career / education that many would love to have....

So where did the depression come from???  Is it totally genetic? Is it a result of the serious head injury I sustained in year 12? Am I just an inferior human being OR is it just life??  

I'm the first to acknowledge that we do have a family history that may have contributed to my mental illness, however, this may also have been exacerbated by the head injury I sustained in year 12, however, the most significant contributor I think is largely due to the bullying I lived through during my early years of highschool!

We all know the saying 'kids can be cruel' well if this is true, then I'm telling you right now teenagers can be complete arseholes!!!!

 My first 2 1/2 years of high school were hell!!! They sucked completely!  I hated going to school each day, I remember standing at the school fence line, which was within easy view of my parents kitchen window, and praying that they would just come and get me!!  That they would save me from that hell hole!!   I was continuously ridiculed for having an athletic physique, well defined calf muscles, a short hair cut, having the wrong shoes, wrong clothes, basically anything that you could imagine that made me seem at all different to the rest of the crowd!  It pretty much got to the point that I just stopped talking.  I virtually didn't speak for fear of being criticised or identified as different and hence became the subject of further persecution!!!    The only times I would speak were to defend or stick up for Kee Ling Chi, a girl who at that time was one of only two Asian students in our entire school.

Sue Anderson, author of Unbullyable is AMAZINGLY. I felt very privelleged to be asked to read the book before it was sent to the publishers and feel very blessed to have been trusted with such an honour!

EVERY PARENT SHOULD READ THIS BOOK! In fact it should sit right alongside What to expect when you are expecting AND be a compulsory addition to every single teaching degree.  I kid you not!!! This is just how insightful and powerful the guidance is.

Even as an adult I have had to deal with anxiety issues and feelings of self doubt and worthlessness that I know stem from  having been bullied during my childhood. In fact, until I read Sue's book as a 36 year old I still found it difficult to distinguish between self esteem and self confidence!

$30 is a hell if a lot cheaper than the therapy bills I've paid and as the medicos say, prevention is always better than cure. 

www.unbullyable.com.au

Get your copy now!

This is an unpaid and honest review of this book! The opinions expressed are the writers own.

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

"Life is like a set of Lego" & Thank You Peter Burley!!!

My son shared an interesting analogy with me today..... pure wisdom really from a nine, nearly ten year old.

"You know what mum, life is a bit like Lego,  bit by bit its just blocks, but when you put it all together you can create anything."


Since when did my beautiful little boy become such a prodigy??  He raises a very valid point really.  If we focus on individual things all the time then everything is actually quite simplistic.....  I guess the real goal is to be able to focus on individual things as a part of a larger picture.

I often wonder how people like Leonard da Vinci managed to complete the works he did.... did he envision his entire masterpiece from the beginning or did he work on it brick by brick?  Irrespective of which angle you view this from, the ability to do either is quite an achievement.

Personally, I've always been a big picture chick..... I can see the big picture and can even break it down to smaller pieces... I am willing to recognise that I may not always be the best person to build each individual piece, but nonetheless can usually see how these pieces can fit together.

I would much rather spend my time getting to know experts in each field so that when asked, I can say with confidence, for your real estate sales, you need to use Pete, for your accounting you need to use Brad or Neil, if it's a telecommunications guru you are after obviously you speak with Anthony etc.

As for the meaning of life, well, if that's what you are after...... I don't know... ask Siri.....

It took me A LOT of years to realise that I am not defined by what I do each day....  my job title, in reality means nothing, in 50 years from now when I'm 85 and hopefully still around to be dribbling in to my morning oatmeal, the only thing that will matter to me is that I made a difference to James & Wil and that Anth enjoyed the time we spent together.

The past 3 years have probably been THE most challenging, yet also THE most rewarding of my life. 

I have had the BIG career type jobs, earnt the BIG bucks etc, but overall, none of it measures up to what I have now...  a job I genuinely like doing (thank you Peter Burley for teaching me the importance of this and also to Kay Jackson for the opportunity to do what I do) but I also collect my kids from school each day, spend time with them each holidays, work with other like minded mums and am actively involved in my kids lives!!!  (Hell, I did papermache with them the other day; we made a pinata together)

If you've ever wondered or questioned if women can really have it all, then I'm telling you HELL YEAH.... you may just need to re define what 'having it all' means to you.

Thank you to my beautiful James for reminding me that Life is Like  a Set of Lego

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Good Guys DO NOT finish last!

Good guys finish last hey?  I don't know who came up with this absurd statement, but I want to lay it to rest.  It's crap, untrue & complete & utter bull&*t.  

Good guys do NOT finish last, Good Guys, or for the sake of this post, NICE PEOPLE, do not finish last....  they will always finish first... they just may chose to run a different race to the others. 

Like 94,999 other kids in Victoria today I was bullied at school. 

This should be embarrassing for everyone else... NOT ME.

It wasn't until I read Sue Anderson's recently published book "Unbullyable " that all the pieces of the puzzle started to fit together.

I'm the first to acknowledge my kids aren't perfect, however, I also acknowledge that they both have big hearts and exceptional manners. 

Last week one of our boys left school in tears. It's not the first time and it probably won't be the last time but I must admit it left me broken hearted and feeling a little inadequate.  He is a beautiful boy, has often been known to stick up for others when he felt that the treatment they were receiving was unjustified, but yet this seems to also be a reason for him being considered a 'target' by some of the other kids who for whatever reasons have insecurities of their own.

What is it with people these days that causes them to feel it is necessary to run others down?? How sad that they feel so insecure that they need to say and or do hurtful things to others in order for them to feel better about themselves??? 

Saddest thing is that as an adult I can almost pick out those who've been bullied as kids and those who were the perpetrators of such bullying.  

Those that were bullied are usually their own worst enemies in the regard that they are their own worst critics. They are constantly worried that their best still won't be seen as good enough but are also terrified of standing out from the crowd too much for fear of drawing attention to themselves.

As for those who instigated the bullying they tend to behave as if nothing is ever their fault, they don't know how to compromise and if things get tough they simply don't cope! Honestly people GROW UP! 

Nobody is infallible! Targeting others and choosing to make their lives miserable by ostracizing them or isolating them will not improve yours!

In the long run the high school popularity and the superiority you felt as a result of your behavior during these years will only serve to leave you incapable of dealing with life as an adult.

"Whilst it's nice to be popular, in the long run you will be far more popular if you are nice"


Thursday, 11 October 2012

Domestic Goddess or Domestic Disaster?

THE mug or the MUG?
I joked the other day in my post Do you remember when checkout operators knew how to pack bags about being a domestic goddess and I even have the mug claiming I am one!  But after this afternoons finale I'm starting to think I am the MUG, not THE mug.  Would you believe that the Oxford Online dictionary actually has a definition for this term these days??  I have provided excerpt below for your amusement.



Okay, so maybe I'm being too hard on myself.  According purely to the definition I could comply!  I have exceptional domestic skills, when I chose to use them, and I can cook sausages & mash with the best of them!

Us women are, without a doubt, our own worst enemies.  Why are we so covertly horrible to each other?  Why do most women feel the need (myself included) to portray this perfectly ordered life when in reality we are no more than a duck who is paddling like crazy underneath all with the express purpose to keep things appearing cool, calm and collected on top. Besides, it's inevitable that even the most co-ordinated & elegant 'duck' will occasionally end up with it's head under water and ass in the air!

 When it really comes down to it, who cares?  We may go to the 'lake', look at a 'duck' and think how calm they look and feel envious of their apparent ordered existence, but, I guarantee you, when we are neck deep in our own lives (i.e. cooking dinner, worrying about issues at work, listening to readers, supervising increasingly complex grade 3 maths homework, packing lunches for the next day, co-coordinating the washing, ironing, banking, bills, groceries, repairing ripped school pants, consoling a child over their latest hurt or injury, avoiding standing on sharp pieces of Lego & quelling the latest  argument between the children) the 'duck' we saw at the 'lake' is the last thing on our minds.

I'm the first one to admit I'm not perfect, but hey, show me someone who thinks they are and I'll show you a liar!  Irrespective of others opinions, I will tell you this... I AM the PERFECT mother for MY children!  No one in this world will ever love them or care more about them than me and if I stay true to this then hopefully when they grow up they will forgive me for refusing them that one more piece of cake, making them go bed, forcing them to brush their teeth or in the case of my beautiful 7 year old putting him in the shower fully clothed after he had flat out refused to shower for 4 days!

At the end of the day, Dr Suess sums it up the best...

Photo


Monday, 8 October 2012

Partying hard at 2am?



At precisely 2am this morning when all good boys and girls and responsible people (unless they are shift workers - in which case I salute you guys) are fast asleep, I was up eating honey sandwiches.  

Before you jump to the conclusion that my slightly rotund appearance is nothing more than the side effects of a secret midnight (or post) midnight snacking fettish, let me assure you that at this time of the morning the LAST thing I want to be doing is eating!  After a sensationally busy week at work last week including a 2 day conference, late nights of catching up on work emails and reading for university assignments, I was in fact having a horrific hypo!

"A hypo" you say... woo hoo party time at 2am why stop with the honey sandwiches, why not continue with  donuts, lollies and chocolate?  For damn good reasons that's why.

I, unfortunately, like an estimated other 87,000 people in Australia have a condition that has the potential to kill me on a daily basis.  I need to be vigilant of what I eat, when I eat it and how much I eat or I could easily slip in to a coma and die... Sounds pretty dramatic hey?

Before you start making lists of what is mine that you would like to have when I fall of my perch, I'd like to reassure you that I have no intentions to do that any time soon.  Instead, I simply make sure that I act responsibly, take my medication (to be read as subcutaneous injections up to 6 times a day or in my case a 'prosthetic device' that continuously infuses a life saving mixture) and remain constantly in touch with how my body is feeling.

Just in case you haven't already worked it out, I am diabetic.

I'm now seriously hoping that most of you wont jump to the conclusion and make the assumption that if simply lost weight or watched what I ate it would all disappear and my life would be 'normal' because I assure you that is not possible.  If all I had to do was maintain a body fat ratio like Kate Moss and an athletic physique like Ussain Bolt, hell, I'd be there!  Count me in, show me the runways, pass me the size 0 clothing and line me up on the starting block!

In case you glossed over the figure above, I am one of the approx. 87,000 people in Australia who is a TYPE 1 Diabetic.  NOT a Type 2....

BIG DIFFERENCE, HUGE DIFFERENCE between the two.

To summarise said differences, I've included the table below which sums up the differences pretty well.  (Table sourced from http://www.emedicinehealth.com/diabetes_differences_between_type_1_and_2-health/article_em.htm)

Differences between type 1 and type 2 diabetes
Type 1 diabetesType 2 diabetes
Symptoms usually start in childhood or young adulthood. People often seek medical help because they are seriously ill from sudden symptoms of high blood sugar.The person may not have symptoms before diagnosis. Usually the disease is discovered in adulthood, but an increasing number of children are being diagnosed with the disease.
Episodes of low blood sugar level (hypoglycemia) are common.There are no episodes of low blood sugar level, unless the person is taking insulin or certain oral diabetes medicines.
It cannot be prevented.It can be prevented or delayed with a healthy lifestyle, including maintaining a healthy weight, eating sensibly, and exercising regularly.


Insulin Infusion Pump



Other than when I am in the shower, taking a very rare dip in a pool or the ocean, I am permanently connected to an Insulin Pump.  Prior to starting on an Insulin Pump I used to give myself up to 6 injections a day in order to ensure that my body is able to break down the sugars (or more specifically carbohydrates) that I consume in food.  Simple, you say, stop eating carbohydrates.... if only life was that easy!  You would be astounded what food items contain carbohydrates that you are not even aware of or how your body has it's own built in methods of breaking down other stores (i.e. fat) to turn it in to glycagon or glucose should it require it.*






I guess my biggest bug bear about it all is society's OBSESSION with type 2 diabetes.   Whilst I am certainly not trivialising this equally serious condition, I do however want to highlight how offended both myself and a number of other Type 1 friends become when people instantly assume that we are diabetic because we are overweight, were overweight or that we have a bad diet, do no exercise etc etc....

That's me in the pink. Do I look obese to you?
MOST Type 1 diabetics are of an average build, eat extremely well and take exceptional care of themselves in order to prevent complications. 

Even medical practitioners are not always diplomatic / sensitive / knowledgeable about the differences. 

Us Type 1 Diabetics live with our condition 24 hours a day 7 days a week, we CANNOT take a break from it, we DO NOT like people interfering with our treatment plans (even some well intentioned medically qualified people) and most certainly do not appreciate people telling us that we must have eaten too much sugar or lollies as a child.  (Check with my mum, dad & sisters if you want clarification on this one!!  I was the last one in our house to want desert and 9 times out of 10 whilst the rest of the family indulged in Ice Cream, Pudding etc, I turned it down and I wasn't even diabetic then!)

If you want to know the best way NOT to upset or offend a type 1 diabetic, take the time to appreciate the differences between our condition and type 2. 


*I am not a medical professional, I do not have formal scientific training in any area of diabetes whatsoever, so if my description above is not 110% correct, I apologise.  It is still, however, how things have been explained to me and how I have been advised that even IF I were to lose consciousness during the night my body could still recover itself all things going well.